|
Favorite Sayings Heard Around the Pool
(Or amusing occurance you observed at the pool) To add yours - send an email with your name (or nickname) and the comment to: fred@topekalifeguard.com (If you want to add circumstances to set up your comment - please feel free to do so... ) |
|
Raegan D. - Summer 2007:
Random Kid at Pool: "Oh. Heeeey lifeguard! I see you there."
"Those guys over there snuck in. Get Devin or AJ over there. They'll
intimidate them with their muscles!"
"Excuse me, sir. Have you ever heard of a Run Swim Run? Wanna try it?"
-Devin
Some Guy Who Snuck In: "I was just minding my own business and then
Lifeguard Barbie over here tells me the cashiers said I snuck in!"
... later
Me: "That guy said he's been here before. But... I think I'd remember him."
Lenore: "What... like, how obnoxious he was?"
Me: "Yeah... that and all those tattoos." 8/15/2006 - Kylea L. "Will you marry Daddy so you can be our mommy?" - Hartzel Kids Master P Do any of you listen, clean the bathroom 12/05/04 c oh, even better than GNASTY, Kenny trying to tell Rebecca that it's CNASTY...uh huh... 12/05/04 carol From Garfield: Which is better, SICKNASTY or GNASTY? the ever on going argument between Rebecca and Mariah... our pool is dirrrty no matter how many times we vacuum it. that's w/ 3 "r's"... I hate horseflies Kenny-no ring pops this year...please!? my mom always asking me why i'm never home...bc i'm at the pool, duh! and best of all...still having tanlines in december!
9-2-04 Rebecca Stueve Heard daily at Garfield...SICKNASTY!!!!!!! 8/16/04 Chris. C "Wheres Matt going with those jugs full of water??? Ohh my god our trash bin is on FIRE!" 7/11/04 Lindsay "Pretty Sure" 07/07/04 bil "Wow Bill you're so dark." 6/25/04 Malissa & Mel our pool is an "ool" because theres no pee in the pool! 06-19-04 Schet-Head The reason i'm a lifeguard: I get paid 6 bucks an hour to babysit your whiny kids, keeping them from drowning, choking, beating to death, and otherwise killing each other. My throat is hoarse from repeatedly screaming at them "HEY! KNOCK IT OFF" and yet I will dive in with my pretty red rescue tube to save their butts when they get out too deep. I put band-aids on the most miniscule of cuts,but let other kids swim with open and pussing wounds. I check chemical levels, pull multiple types of dead animals out of the water, and deal with unwanted bodily extrusions more than once a week. I am, in essence a glorified babysitter. but DANG, do i get a good tan...
6-14-04 Tiffany While going through lifegaurd training, we partnered up to work on a rescue on the deck, and one guy "accidentally" felt up a girl. Someone yelled out "I'm a lifegaurd; im here to help. NOT to feel you up! 6/22/03 Schmick Its not my turn to clean it up! You do it. 3-10-04 Kyle Who ever it was it looks like they eat hotdogs. 02/26/04 Mike Lifeguard saying "Lightning! I saw lightning! Time to close the pool!!! Jordan Hah, you realize that's how im going to refer to you from now on..right? :) And about cyberbowling...yea, we're definitely doing that again. See ya. 12-4-03 Rebecca Jordan...Will you call me your girlfriend?? 11/20/03 Fred is coming....step on that cig quick Jordan There are only a few people I would consider wanting to call my girl-friend...and I don't believe any of them are 10. ;) Jordan's 10 yr old girlfriends. "Jordan, can i get your number?" & "Do you know where jordan is?" 10/05/03 Crittibitty Lacy Beeson goes to the pool to swim. She loves the water. 9/21 geena I'm only a BEACH LIFEGUARD for the tan! 9/20/ gina I'm only a LIFEGUARD for the outfit! - crash Garfield, cuz you gota poo somewhere 07/27/03 Kat We don't swim in your toilet so don't pee in our pool! - crash "Alec, GO HOME" 06/24/03 azlifegrdqt ALL THE TIME!! "If I drown will you save me?" "When you give me mouth to mouth will you use your tounge?" And when in time out: "Can I go yet?" 06/01/03 Jessie M. My favorite one from last year at Garfield... "It's now time for saftey break. If you are under the age of 16, please take your kid and exit the pool at this time." 06/01/03 NC Guard Kid #1: "I was diving the pool for treasure and saw some POOOO!" 05/04/03 st. louis 1) can I sit in the stand ("no") 2) can I play with the red thing ("no") 3) can I go off the diving board with the red thing ("no") 4) walk ... Walk ... WALK ... WALK!!!!! 5) do you want a time out? 6) get that chair out of the pool now! 7)I'm sorry but you cant get in the pool if there's been lightning in the past 30 minutes (do you want to get electrocuted ....) 8) how many minutes has it been? "30 seconds" Can I get in yet? "no" How about now? "no" ... 9)He/She hit me, pushed me, took my ____, called me a _____!! 10)"Get out!" But I don't care if there's poop in the pool, I'll just stay on the other side! (or once, "can I put on my snorkel and go look at it!) 3/5/03 McFly That's a double-booyah. 2/26 - heard Josh will be working the slides this year?! Yikes! 2/19/03 schu Haha....all the volley-"ballers" know what thats about. - No Josh you cant have a smoke Sorry Josh you cant hang with us tonight O hey josh nice to see you at sonic again Josh, i really cant go out tonight jan 26 03 Robert H. "you wanna know where the alcohol is to clean a persons WHAT!!!" 10/30/02 Bigsurf life guard "Can I go" "no" "can I go now" "no.." "now" "NO" "when can I go" "wait" "now" "NOOO I will tell you when you can go!" like when ur gaurding slides and annoying kids come up..ya know?
09/21/2002 Mark Are you REALLY a lifeguard? And Do you know how to use those shocky thingies?
8/13/2002 BP Have mens swimsuits gotten so long that now they are OFFICIALLY Capri pants?! 07/16/2002 Sulaye When's Maintenance Break over... Is it causual swim yet... What do you mean my six year old can't take my three year old (who's wearing a PFD) down the slide while i'm in the sauna Man... I'm tired i had to do 5 laps non stop in swimming lessons today Dave... That fuse blew because of all those space heaters you plugged in... It's not that cold outside. 06/19/02 Emily F. "Hey Lifeguard!! Whats this?" (Followed by three whistles) While everyone takes their sweet time getting out of the pool. Then when their all out they ask, "Hey did someone puke in the pool?" Only can this be heard twice in the first day open huh, City Pool Girls!!! :)
6-16-02 Helga Is safety break over yet? How much longer until it's over. How about now? Is it over. Do you know how to tell time? How long is safty break? How many minutes are left? 06/15/02 Beth "Are you open today" "No ma'am, I just like to come down here and answer the phone for the fun of it." 06/15/02 Beth "Hey Buddy!" usually followed by "Don't run/dive in the shallow end/splash the lifeguards/push the lifeguards off the stand/go in the deep end if you can't swim/etc." [double short whistle blasts]"Jessica! We have a code 99 Brown Trout!" "Hey! Mrs. Lifeguard! There's poop in the pool!" "'scuse me lifeguard? Can you fix my goggles?" "Does it LOOK like I can fix your goggles? There's 175 people in the water and five people to guard them." (what really comes out is "sorry sweetie, go ask the guard in the office") "What do you MEAN I can't bounce eight times on the diving board?" 5/14/02 mary If you cant swim with the big dogs stay on the deck 03/04/02 Top Ten Says told to patrons being kicked out of the pool: 10.Did you just pee down the drop slide? John: "My Dad will kick your a**!" ~~For those of you that have worked at Garfield 02/24/02 Paasch In a cub scout camp "Help!.....Just Kidding" at least once an hour 02/6/02 sunny lifeguard -marco.. -polo... -marco... -polo... -marco... -polo!!! (i hate this game) 00\0000 0 Kenny!!! STOP PULLING MY LEG HAIR!!!! 11/4/01 "Seacow" Seastrom Phillip, I said no! 24/09/01 Karen Hi I just thought I should add these Can U swim? (well, I just work as a lifeguard)
9/15/01 Sophia Petrillo To the boardwalk. I like to watch the old guys rearrange themselves when they come out of the water. 09/15/01 Monica Geller I'm dating a guy whose pool I once peed in. 09/15/01 Karen Walker Good Lord. I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me? 09-08-01 Desert Wave Pool When the kids start to chant, "turn on the waves, turn on the waves" 9-7-01 Helga huh? say what? can i go yet? (ON the slides heard at least seventy five times a day) 09/04/01 David Karl's good observation of, "Why do all the dustpans smell like pepper?" 8/21/01 Jennifer G. The famous saying heard at the waterparks --> "Is the Wave Pool open yet?" & Why do old men insist upon wearing tennis shoes and socks with just a speedo on? Must be the incoming trend... :) 08/08/01 Rod "Today is my LAST day..." 07/26/01 Jenna Are you going to open the slides? 7/21/01 Melody McCauley My two dogs love the pool because Tiki always steals the socks. 7-19-01 Ok Guys, let's get the rotation straight! Deep, Shallow, Off! Baby Pool, Pony Rides, Off! 7/19/2001 Do you allow thongs? 7/19/2001 25 feet away from the pool.....please! 07/10/01 TOYPEDO FOREVER. 6-14-01 Rebecca "Hey Lifeguard...Watch this!" And then the little kids sticking their heads under the water. Whoa! 6/66/66 Can you really go down the slides without the water on? 5-30-01 What time is it??? 05/22/01 bug ALEX SHUT-UP!!!!!! 05/22/01 SHHHHHHHHH!! What they don't know won't hurt them... 5-16-01 - WHAT'S BUGGIN'??? 05/08/01 Daniel Kurtz Please be patient we will be ready to open at one o' clock, no earlier... repeated 1,000 times. At Blaisdell add another zero! 05/08/01 Daniel Kurtz A classic quote from the infamous party guru Mike Acord. Whatsa Matter?! 04/25/01 Rod-- The only words of wisdom I will never ever forget--these immortal words were uttered to me by the Coolest Pool Manager Ms. Julia Hecht and to this day I still say it when things are getting stressed around the swimming pool "Why does my heart go on beating? WHY do these eyes of mine CRY!?!" And lately I have been saying that a LOT! I wonder why. :) 04/24/2001 Acord (On Cloudy Days) "Phone Tag, You're It!" 4/15/2001 FS Quiet PLEASE! Every 5 minutes on Tuesday night from 9-11.
04/07/01 Em "Fred's here." 4-2-01 Magatha EM3! 3/29/01 Aprilly My Personal Favorite: Can I use the phone? 3/14/01 C- Do you have any scissors? The lifeguards won't let me go down the slides. 3/14/01 C- Team Work...Your IT!!!! 03/12/01 Dianna "Well, hello!" 03/07/01 Ryan Voth Anyone up for a game of bubbles? 3-6-01 Every WSI Hey, it's only 69 degrees---we need to cancel lessons!!!!! 3/06/01 Rod Heard numerous times last summer at Blaisdell--"Do you know there is no soap in the bathrooms?" (There was never any soap in the bathrooms.) Thanks Mike for the inspiration. 03/06/01 Acord AT ALL POOLS, 1000 times/day. "When is safety break over?" 03/06/01 Acord At Oakland, 20 times/day. "No Habla Englis, Punta." 03/06/01 Acord At Hillcrest, 20 times/day "Why is the water so cloudy?" 03/06/01 Acord At Garfield, 20 times/day "When are you gonna get hot dogs?" 03/06/01 Acord At the old Blaisdell, 20 times/day "Can we swim laps?" 03/06/01 Mike Acord At Crestview, 20 times/day "Did you know that the shower drains are clogged?" 03-05-01 Emily Stueve "Has anybody seen Emily Flatt?" 03/05/01 Mark Alan Boedeker Marines in the pool make it hard to concentrate. 03/01/01 Imighta Said "I know it's a sick, perverted game, but I like playin it!" 02/25/01 Ryan Voth Raaaaarrrrrrr! 02/25/01 Dianna The best one... "I think it's time the bug club had a meeting" 02/25/01 Dianna "Are grandma's ROCK!!!!" 02/24/01 Rod "It went out SEVEN lines!" 2/24/2001 Fred "It's not the Heat, It's the Humidity." .....Julia 2/24/2001 Fred My favorite: "I'm not a Bear, I can't fly." |